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Wie ich frei von Depression und Selbstmordgedanken wurde

(english below) Immer wieder haben mich in den letzten Wochen Fragen von jungen Frauen erreicht, die mit Depressionen kämpfen und nichts positives in ihrem Alltag sehen können. Ich glaube wir sind alle schon einmal durch harte Zeiten gegangen. Momente, in denen wir weder aus noch ein wussten, und die Dunkelheit zu drückend erscheint. Meine liebe Freundin Deborah erzählt heute im Interview, wie sie frei von Depression und Selbstmordgedanken wurde. Danke Debby, für deine Offenheit und Ehrlichkeit!

Hallo Debby, kannst du dich kurz vorstellen?

Hallo, ich heiße Deborah, bin 30 Jahre alt, komme aus Düsseldorf, bin seit 4 1/2 Jahren verheiratet und habe eine anderthalbjährige Tochter. Seit dem Jahr 2012 lebe ich in Turin (Italien), wo ich damals auch meinen Mann kennen- und lieben gelernt habe.

Was hast du für Erfahrungen mit Depression gemacht?

Irgendwie zog sich depressives Verhalten wie ein Kaugummi durch meine gesamte Jugend. Mit 16 Jahren hat meine Mama mein Problem ernsthaft erkannt und suchte ärztlichen Rat. Damals war ich fast komplett passiv, isolierte mich und hatte ständig das Bedürfnis allein sein zu wollen und zu müssen. Ich verletzte mich selbst und entwickelte zuletzt auch Selbstmordgedanken. Meine Welt war damals tiefschwarz und so nahm ich, denke ich, auch meine Umwelt wahr….

Viele glauben, dass das eventuell Spinnereien einer Jugendlichen sein könnten, aber tatsächlich wollte ich mir an einem Nachmittag das Leben nehmen. Trotz einer Stimme in meinem Kopf, die auf mich einsprach, dass ich es tun solle, bin ich damals nicht gesprungen. Ich dachte an meine Familie, die mich immer geliebt hat und wollte sie nicht verletzen.

Wie ging es dir mit dem Glauben in dieser Zeit?

Also ich muss sagen, dass ich zu dieser Zeit keinen wirklichen Glauben hatte. Natürlich glaubte ich an einen “Gott” – sagen wir an eine “höhere Macht”, die sicher gute Attribute hat, aber was wirklicher Glaube an Gott ist, das sollte ich erst Jahre später erfahren und kennenlernen. Ich kannte zwar die “Theorie” von zu Hause, aber getröstet haben mich diese gut gemeinten Floskeln, à la “Gott liebt dich doch” nicht. Die negativen Gedanken bestimmten meinen Alltag und ich konnte mir nicht vorstellen wie Gott wirklich gut sein solle.

Weisst du woher die Depression bei dir kam?

Je mehr ich Gott kennenlernte, in der Bibel las und betete, erkannte ich immer mehr die wahren Gründe meiner Depression. Durch eine komplizierte Familiengeschichte und die Ablehnungserfahrungen von Gleichaltrigen war meine Seele tief verletzt. Ich sah alles schwarz, suchte Anerkennung bei Gleichaltrigen und Liebe von den falschen Personen. Auch die Sünde in meinem eigenen Leben, brachten mich dazu, dass ich alles dunkel sah. Ich denke damals habe ich nach der Trennung meiner Eltern irgendwie das “Gleichgewicht” verloren und vor allem den Halt, den eine vereinte und intakte Familie einem Teenager gibt. Ich habe immer wieder versucht, mir einen “Ersatz” außerhalb meiner Familie zu suchen und bin dabei leider auch an Menschen geraten, die es nicht unbedingt gut mit mir meinten, mich eher ausgenutzt oder noch mehr verletzt haben. Natürlich hatte ich auch gute Freunde, aber meine Enttäuschungen hinsichtlich meiner Familie trug ich immer mit mir herum. Zudem kam mein großes Interesse für leichte Formen von Okkultismus. Immer wieder interessierte ich mich für übernatürliche Dinge und vor allem den Inhalt okkulter Heavy-Metal-Musik, doch das zog mich immer mehr in die Negativität. Irgendwann wurde mir auch klar, dass ich Dinge in meinem Leben gelassen habe, die nicht in Ordnung sind und ich oft Wut gegen Menschen verspürte, die mich irgendwie verletzt haben.

Wie wurdest du frei von Depression?

Die Wende kam ganz klar, als ich mich vor 7 Jahren für Jesus Christus entschieden habe. Ich habe angefangen, an Gott zu glauben, ihm ganz zu vertrauen und habe sein Wirken in meinem Leben hautnah miterleben dürfen. Er hat mich wirklich aus immer wieder kehrenden depressiven Phasen befreit. Er ist eben “Jehovah Rapha” – der Gott, der heilt – und dafür bin ich ihm sehr dankbar! Das heißt natürlich nicht, dass ich heute nicht damit zu kämpfen hätte bzw. Anfechtungen bekomme und meine Gedanken wieder anfangen zu kreisen, aber heute habe ich einen Schlüssel, um depressive Verstimmungen zu überwinden und das ist eben der Herr. Gott hat mir in einem langen Heilungsprozess gezeigt, was die Wurzeln meiner depressiven Neigungen sein könnten. Heute kann ich durch meinen Glauben an ihn Abstand zur depressiven “Debby” von damals nehmen. Ich erkenne, woher bestimmte Gedanken herrühren und kann sie vor Gott bringen.

Was würdest du sagen, sollte man tun, wenn man immer wieder depressive Verstimmungen hat, bzw. was sollte man vermeiden?

Ich würde dazu raten, das Alleinsein eher zu vermeiden, um sich vor Kurzschlussreaktionen zu schützen. Das verschärft oft negative Gedanken, denen man allein oft einfach ausgeliefert ist. Wenn du mit Selbstmordgedanken kämpfst, suche dir eine Person der du vertraust. Oft muss man dieser Person gar nichts erzählen, sondern ihre Gegenwart reicht oft schon aus, das Gefühl nicht allein mit seinem Problem da zu stehen. Für mich war das sicher immer meine Mama, die mich ohne Worte damals in der akuten Phase verstand, aber es kann auch ein/e Freund/in sein. Halte dich fern von okkulten und esoterischen Praktiken wie Reiki, Yoga oder Ähnliches zur angeblichen “Ganzkörperheilung”, da diese auf lange Sicht nicht helfen, sondern noch mehr geistige Probleme verursachen.

Ich bin überzeugt davon, dass Depression neben dem klinischen Faktor auch eine seelische und geistige Angelegenheit ist. Wenn unsere Seele verletzt ist, leiden oft auch der Körper und der Geist eines Menschen. Nur durch echte, innere Heilung durch Gottes Liebe und Barmherzigkeit, kann auch eine völlig zerbrochene Seele wieder geheilt werden. Dies verspricht uns Gott auch in der Bibel: Er ist demjenigen nah, der zerbrochenen Herzes und Geistes ist! Nimm sein Opfer, das er für dich am Kreuz gegeben hat an!

Sicherlich kann eine Psychotherapie helfen und dazu würde ich bei schweren Selbstmordgedanken definitiv raten. Allerdings hat dies in meiner Erfahrung nur in “menschlicher” Sicht geholfen. Ich konnte mir der Sache wirklich bewusst werden und mein Verhalten besser steuern. Den Kern meines persönlichen Problems konnte ich damals durch Therapie allerdings nicht lösen. Erst einige Jahre später durch meine Entscheidung Jesus nachzufolgen, wurde ich wirklich geheilt, dort wo all der Schmerz her kam. Durch meinen Glauben habe ich heute die innere Sicherheit, bei Gott geborgen zu sein, auch wenn sich Situationen um mich herum negativ entwickeln. Immer dann, wenn ich mich zum Beispiel von Menschen abgelehnt oder enttäuscht fühle weiß ich, Gott ist stolz auf mich und steht zu mir, egal was passiert ist. Oder wenn es Tage gibt, an denen ich komplett antriebslos bin denke ich an den Herr, was er alles für mich getan hat und sofort stellt sich heute Lebensfreude in mir ein! Dennoch benutzt Gott auch Ärzte, um uns zu helfen. Wovon ich heute weniger überzeugt bin, sind Psychopharmaka, die ich natürlich auch für eine kurze Zeit genommen habe. Oft sind depressive Verstimmungen geistiger Natur und da können Tabletten nur bedingt etwas machen.

 

 

Hat Gott dir auch konkret geholfen? Wenn ja, wie?

Der Wendepunkt kam wie gesagt erst später durch Gott, im Jahre 2012. Als ich damals merkte, dass ich nach einer beendeten Beziehung wieder stark depressiv wurde, habe ich ein Bild gemalt, eine Vision, die Gott mir geschenkt hat, als ich nach meiner Glaubensentscheidung verzweifelt bei ihm Hilfe gesucht habe. Es ist die Vision von meiner Sünde, die ans Kreuz genagelt worden ist. In diesem Moment hat Gott mich wirklich von Depressionen befreit und mir unglaublich Mut gemacht.

Auch in der Bibel hatten einige Persönlichkeiten wie der Prophet Jeremiah und Hiob mit Depressionen zu kämpfen. Allein dies zeigt mir, dass Gott gerade denen nahe ist, die zerbrochenen Herzens sind und ihr Leben verwünschen. Für mich ist es so ermutigend zu wissen, dass Gott einfach präsent ist, auch in Phasen, wo ich glaube wieder den Halt zu verlieren. Denn im Psalm 23 heißt es zum Beispiel:

“Und ob ich schon wanderte im finstern Tal, fürchte ich kein Unglück; denn du bist bei mir, dein Stecken und dein Stab trösten mich.”

Ich weiß heute: AUCH WENN…auch wenn ich mal wieder viel gegen negative Gedanken ankämpfen muss, Er ist bei mir und führt mich durch die Dunkelheit. Er war immer da in meinem Leben und hat mich vor dem Schlimmsten bewahrt. Er war mit mir im “finsteren Tal”. Er ist der perfekte Therapeut, weil Er mich geschaffen hat und am besten versteht, nur er macht mich frei von Depression und Selbstmordgedanken.

Was für Tipps kannst du Frauen mitgeben, die auch mit Depression zu kämpfen haben?

Such dir Hilfe! Bleib nicht allein im finsteren Tal, besonders bei Depression und Selbstmordgedanken. Vertrau dich einer Person an, die dich liebt. Und wisse, dass AUCH WENN eventuell die Menschen um dich herum deinen Zustand nicht verstehen, du dich nicht verstanden fühlst oder dich Menschen noch zusätzlich belasten und alles als “Dramatisierung” abstempeln, es einen Gott gibt, der dich liebt und deinen Zustand sehr gut nachvollziehen kann! Du bist wertvoll in seinen Augen – dein Leben ist wertvoll! Sehr gerne kannst du mich bei Fragen auch über PM kontaktieren. Ich bin zwar keine Therapeutin, aber weiß, dass es immer eine Lösung gibt.

Wie kann man seine Freundin unterstützen, wenn sie depressiv ist?

Leider ist dies oft nicht so einfach. Man muss als Außenstehender erstmal begreifen was der Depressive überhaupt lebt. Ich habe mich in diesem Punkt sehr oft unverstanden gefühlt, denn für mich war die Depression harte Realität und kein Sonntagsspaziergang. Dennoch kann ich Angehörigen und Freunden definitiv raten: Bleibt an der Person dran! Ermutigt sie und lenkt sie ab….

Vielen Dank für das Interview, liebe Debby!

Wenn dir dieser Beitrag gefällt, teile ihn gerne mit einer Person, die ihn lesen sollte. Danke,

deine

__________________________________________________________

ENGLISH VERSION:

Hi Debby, can you introduce yourself?

Yes, I am Deborah, 30 years old and I am from Düsseldorf in Germany. I´ve been married sind 4,5 years and have a daughter of 1,5 years. I´ve been living in Turin, Italy since 2012, where I got to know and love my husband.

What are your experiences with depression?

All through my youth, I was struggling with depressive feelings. When I was 16 my mom realized my problem and looked for medical advice. At that point I was extremely passive, isolated myself and wanted to be alone constantly. I hurt myself and finally had suicidal thoughts. My world was very dark at that time, and I think people also realized that. Many people think, all these are just struggles of youngsters, but in fact, one afternoon I wanted to take my life. I didn’t jump in the end, even though I heard a voice in myself that was telling me to do so. But I could not imagine hurting my family, that I knew has loved me always.

What role did god play in this time?

I didn´t really have a relationship with god. I did believe there was a “god” – let`s say a higher power, that has positive attributes, but it was only years later, that I experienced what faith really means.  I knew the theory from my parents, but it didn’t really help me to hear standard phrases like “god loves you”. The negative thoughts were controlling my daily life and I couldn’t imagine how god should be really good.

How could you get out of depression?

The positive turn in my life definitely came seven years ago, when I decided to give my life to Jesus Christ. I started to believe in God, to fully trust him and then I was able to experience his presence in my life up close. He really freed me from all my depressive phases that kept coming back. He really is “Jehovah Rapha” – the god, that heals – and for that I am so thankful. It doesn’t mean that I am not struggling any more today, that I don’t get contested, and that my thoughts don’t start spinning, but today I know the key to overcome depressive upsets – and this is the lord. In a long process of healing he showed me, what was the root of the depression. Today through faith I can step back from the depressive Debby from the past. I realize where those bad thoughts are coming from and I can bring to god.

What would you say should you do if you are in a depression or what should you avoid?

I am sure that therapies help and I would definitely recomment it, especially with suicidal thoughts. But for me it only helped me on the human basis. I was able to realize many things and able to learn how to behave in order to overcome depression, but I was not able to beak the core problem of my depression through therapy. Only years later, when I started to follow Jesus, I got healed from the core problem, where all the pain came from. Today I am a hundred percent sure that I am secure and safe in god, even in negative situations. When people reject me or disappoint me, I know that God is for me and proud of me. Or in days when I don’t have any energy I think of Jesus and what he did for me, and I suddenly get back the joy of life. But god also uses doctors to help us. I´m not really convinced of taking psychotropics, that I also took for some time. Many times depression is a spiritual problem and they don’t really solve those. Try not to be alone that much. Many times negative thoughts get worse, when you are by yourself and they start circling. Try to find a person that you trust if you have suicidal thoughts, especially in contented moments. Many times you don’t even need to say anything about your thoughts, it´s already help when you are just with that person. For me this person was definitely my mom, that understood me even without words, but it can also be a friend. Do not get into occult or esoteric practices like Reiki, Joga or other things that promise “full cure”. On the long run they don’t help but are produce more spiritual problems. In times when our soul is hurt, also our body and our spirit suffer. Only real inner healing though the love of god and his mercy can heal a soul that is shattered. This is what god promises us in the bible: He is close to those that are broken in hearts and spirits. Accept the price he paid for you on the cross!

Do you know why you became depressive?

The more I learnt about god and read the bible and prayed, the more I realized the reason behind my depression. My soul was deeply hurt by my complicated family history and feeling rejected as a teenager. Everything seemed dark, because I was looking for recognition by my peers and love from wrong people. Also my sin made my world look dark. I think I kind of lost balance when my parents separated and I missed the safety that a strong, healthy family usually provides teenagers in times of struggle. I kept trying to fill the whole of my family in the world outside and finally got to people that didn’t want the best for me. They hurt and exploited me. Of course I also had good friends, but I was always carrying the weight of my disappointment about my family situation with me. More and more I became interested in occultism. I was interested in supernatural forces and texts of heavy metal music. This brought me more and more into negativity. Once in a while I realized that I was the one that allowed things to enter into my life, that were not good, that I was angry with people that hurt me. It really all changed when I met Jesus in 2012. When I realized that I was falling back into depression after an ended relationship, I drew a picture. A vision, that god gave me in a moment that I was desperately looking for him after I had decided to follow him. This vision of my sin and how it was nailed to the cross really released my from my depression and gave me an incredible new courage. Some characters in the bible like Jeremiah and Iob also had to fight depression. This shows me that god is close to the ones with broken hearts and those that curse their lives. It is so encouraging to me to know that god is present, also in times when I think I loose all hope. Psalm 23 says:

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Today I know: EVEN IF … even if I have to fight a lot against negative thoughts, he is with me and leads me through my darkness. He has always been there for me and saved me from worse. He has been with me in the darf valley. He is the perfect therapist, because he is the one that made me and knows me by heart.

What advice would you give to women that are struggling with depression?

Look out for help! Don´t stay in the dark valley by yourself! Talk to people you trust and that love you. And know that EVEN IF people don’t understand what you are going through, you feel misunderstood or people seem to encumber you, say you are exaggerating, know that there is a god, that loves you and that fully understands what you are going through! You are precious in his eyes – your life is precious! If you want, you can also contact me. I´m not a therapist, but I know that there is always a solution.

How can you support friends in depression?

Sadly this is not easy. As an outsider you have to try to understand what the depressive person is going through. Many times I felt misunderstood. Depression was a tough reality for me and not easy at all. But I would definitely say to friends and family: Stick with the person! Encourage them and go do stuff with them. God bless you!  

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